This and That

Mom continues to remain more upbeat about her current situation. I'm happy for that.

Since my initial entry, it's become apparent to me that this isn't going to be just about the conversations I have with Mom going forwards, but I should and will be also taking a look back at past conversations and examining their impact on me in various ways. I don't expect Mom to ever see these, nor do i expect Mom to understand them if she did. Unfortunately, that expectation has been with me since m childhood and even now, I'm still becoming aware of how that expectation affected various parts of my life. But this is not about my mother, who did the best she could; this is about exploring and understanding what happened and putting it out there for others who may have experienced many of the same events without an awareness of the impact these kinds of events can have and maybe helping them gain an understanding of their own, even if it's different than mine.

My mom went through her adolescence during WWII. Her father was the village schoolteacher and he was killed during the war. I'm guessing she had the equivalent of a 4th-5th grade education. She never talked much about her childhood, except to say that she always kept her food inside her clothing and would break off a piece to put in her mouth; if she brought it out to take a bite, someone else would grab it and eat it themselves. I'm sure knowing that has influenced me, though I'm still at a loss trying to quantify it, other than to say I've characterized my mother as being a long suffering woman, whatever that means.

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