Mom

At present, my mother is living in an extended care facility in the midwest where she is largely bed-ridden. She was diagnosed with stenosis a number of years ago, the symptoms curtailing her movement. It all came to a head last year when she fell and broke her tailbone. She refused treatment for the better part of a week because she didn't want to leave my then ninety four year old father home alone. My sister drove some 500 miles to take my mother to the hospital. That day was the last day my mother saw the home she'd lived in since 1970. The court stepped in and mandated that my mother enter an assisted living facility. One was found within about a quarter mile of my parents' home in Ohio and that's where she went to live after she was discharged from the hospital. After a few months it became clear that my father was incapable of taking care of himself, and the decision was made to sell my parents' home and relocate them to Wisconsin to be near my sister. My father (now 96) is ambulatory, and a facility was found that could accommodate my parents' different requirements. My parents live under the same roof, but in separate wings. They've been there over a year now.

The care is expensive, and my parents' retirement is going to be used up within the next twelve months. This is a source of major anxiety for my mother, who has also been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. My understanding is that she had hoped to leave something in terms of an inheritance. I also have little doubt that my mother is aware of the burden the administration of their care has been for my sister. And for the past year, my mother has more or less been waiting/hoping to die.

My sister is currently in week two of a three and a half week vacation in China. So for the last week, I've tried to call daily though I haven't been totally successful about that. During our first conversation after my sister left, my mother admitted that she was ready to die. As it turns out, my sister had already gone ahead and made funeral arrangements in case my parents passed during her vacation. (That sounds wrong, and I don't mean to make it sound that way. I'm just trying to describe my mother's frame of mind.)  While I think I fully understand her plight at being bedridden in a strange place far away from the home she'd lived in for almost 50 years, failing health, dwindling finances, I found myself challenging her to search for a reason why she was where she was, and to see what good she could do there. 

I talked to my mother earlier this week. She told me how she was trying to eat more (to regain some of the weight she' lost) and how she was going to figure out how to visit Dad and become more ambulatory. I was simultaneously stunned and happy to hear that Mom had decided to live. Time will tell how this goes.