The Secret Asian Man; Conversations with Mom

I contacted a staff member at the facility last week, and asked them to observe my mother and determine if she was following through on her new resolve. the staff member contacted me this morning after having sent some time just talking to my mother, and the staff member informed me that mom had decided to find something to be grateful for each day. i can't think of anything that would have been more encouraging, as studies as well as my own empirical experience suggests that focusing on positive emotions has a number of measurable effects on serotonin/dopamine levels, etc. however this was tempered by understanding that my mom still grieves losing her home and all of her independence & it's going to be a balancing act between grieving and practicing gratitude. still, overall, this is very positive news.

Mom continues to remain more upbeat about her current situation. I'm happy for that. Since my initial entry, it's become apparent to me that this isn't going to be just about the conversations I have with Mom going forwards, but I should and will be also taking a look back at past conversations and examining their impact on me in various ways. I don't expect Mom to ever see these, nor do i expect Mom to understand them if she did. Unfortunately, that expectation has been with me since m childhood and even now, I'm still becoming aware of how that expectation affected various parts of my life. But this is not about my mother, who did the best she could; this is about exploring and understanding what happened and putting it out there for others who may have experienced many of the same events without an awareness of the impact these kinds of events can have and maybe helping them gain an understanding of their own, even if it's different than mine. My mom went thr...

At present, my mother is living in an extended care facility in the midwest where she is largely bed-ridden. She was diagnosed with stenosis a number of years ago, the symptoms curtailing her movement. It all came to a head last year when she fell and broke her tailbone. She refused treatment for the better part of a week because she didn't want to leave my then ninety four year old father home alone. My sister drove some 500 miles to take my mother to the hospital. That day was the last day my mother saw the home she'd lived in since 1970. The court stepped in and mandated that my mother enter an assisted living facility. One was found within about a quarter mile of my parents' home in Ohio and that's where she went to live after she was discharged from the hospital. After a few months it became clear that my father was incapable of taking care of himself, and the decision was made to sell my parents' home and relocate them to Wisconsin to be near my sister. My fat...